King of the Potty Palace
by cottynmouth
Summary: DHr, “Granger, shagging Pansy is considered the norm, the expected. We’re highclass sex chums.”
1. What's Wrong With A Mind Of My Own

**Disclaimer & A/n:** Harry Potter & Co. aren't mine, but the rumor that Ronnikins (sp?) has genital warts totally is. I promise to update :)

* * *

She was surrounded. 

To the left were small scribbles of "Draco Malfoy xoxo"; the same vandalism appeared to the right, accompanied with non virtuous details of his anatomy.

She couldn't even take a decent piss without seeing a little fraction relating to the piece of shite. After flushing the disgraced toilet, Hermione found herself carving Neville's name next to Malfoy's.

King of the Potty Palace, indeed.

…

"Seriously, Zabini, cut it out. I am NOT in the mood."

"C'mon Granger, it's not a big deal, just a little fun. "

Hermione let out a very feminine giggle, and after hearing this strange effervescent noise, Draco had to take a look at what scandal was occurring in the Restricted Section of the Library.

_Oh, well, never mind then._

"Fuck, Malfoy! You scared the bloody shit out of me."

And there they were, Hermione Granger and Blaise Zabini sitting across from each other at a small desk. Books weighing well over a ton were placed in the middle, and Blaise was in the process of constructing another paper airplane even though Hermione looked as though she had been bombarded by quite a few already.

"Bulstrode wants you. Common Room, in approximately two minutes."

Blaise ran a long pale hand through his hair, grinning guiltily at Hermione.

"Well, I'll see you next week Granger. Same place?"

"Of course."

And she let out a genuine smile that made Draco's hands clench tighter, his blood vessels near popping from the exertion. Stubborn as ever, Draco refused to step aside as Blaise was forced to squeeze between Draco and the bookshelf to get to the corridor.

Hermione snorted.

"Jealous, Malfoy? How _human_ of you, I'm proud, no doubt. But be a little more subtle the next time this happens. Don't want dear Blaise to notice anything."

"You were _flirting_ and _giggling_ for Merlin's sakes! I---"

"I wasn't notified that telling a fellow peer to abort his leisure activities of shooting paper airplanes were under the categorization of flirting, Malfoy. I suspect Pansy's been leaving negative influences."

She sniffed the air and feigned shock.

"Why, is that Coco Chanel? Tsk, Malfoy, I never pegged you as the type."

Draco gave an inward celebration at Hermione's clearly advertised resentment towards Pansy.

"Granger, shagging Pansy is considered the norm, the expected. We're high-class sex chums."

He grinned as she glared menacingly, which soon wore off as she plastered on a small smile.

"The norm and the expected? I admire your ability to turn your STD-infested love life into a supposedly forced romance novel."

"Granger, must I remind you that it is Weasel with the genital warts and not me."

"And isn't that grand? I must tell you, the added friction and texture makes me so much more responsive."

With that, Hermione walked past him, rendering him speechless with her impish grin.

* * *

Before Potions, Draco Malfoy had Hermione Granger against the wall in the corridor, his long pale hands placed on either side of Hermione on the wall.  
_All I have to do is shove my knee just there and then I can go into class… _were the thoughts running around Hermione's mind, but no, she decided to spare Malfoy the pain between the legs.

"Where is it." As he spat his demand out, Hermione was tempted to wipe the bit of spittle from her forehead.  
"Hmm?" Hermione raised her eyebrows, torturing him with nonchalance towards the situation.

"Where is it", he gave particular emphasis, and tipped his head towards her chest area.

"Malfoy, the civilized, aristocratic act serves you much more justice rather than this replay of Ron during his meals. The similarity between both of your lack of vocabulary is astounding. I'm surprised Blaise hasn't surpassed you academically… yet."  
_Bloody sodding prick, that Zabini… She even had the gall to say his first name_.

"Where's the bloody handkerchief, it's not with you."

"Of course it's not with me. I'm aware that you're relatively intelligent but do you really expect for me to wear a piece of silk that's outlined with your house colors and engraved with your bloody initials? Or are you insulted because I refuse to let you brand me with one of your items; I'm at a dilemma: should I feel privileged because the mighty Draco Malfoy extended his generosity to a mudblood, or should I acknowledge that 'us' means 'nothing worth of attention', as you so politely stated last week."

Draco snorted, and Hermione deeply took the consideration of damaging his chances at fertility once more.  
"Darling, it seems you've misinterpreted me. So I will ask you once more: Where is the current location of my handkerchief, and I will gladly take it back since, and you have guessed correctly, you apparently do not appreciate my flexible generosity."

_Bitch thinks she can trample over my dignity.  
_  
"When I find it, I will return it to you."  
…  
"When you find it?"

She smirked, "I apologize, it wasn't expensive was it? I'll buy you another one if it appears I have lost it."

What you gonna do now, prick?  
(The handkerchief was under her pillow, carefully folded, handled with care. But his ego was high enough.)  
He glared at her in silence, and as the footsteps of students approached, he removed his hands from the wall.

"Oi, Hermione, get in the classroom, Snape assigned us as partners and Mum'll kill me if I get less than an "O" in Potions… Malfoy, Pansy's been waiting for you ever since breakfast. I don't believe she can survive another heart break from being ignored."

Hermione gave one last smirk at Draco, and raised an eyebrow, daring him to object. Then, she turned to face Blaise Zabini, smiling and walked into the class room, discussing the effects of Valerian Roots and Erumpent Fluids.

Contemplating Snape's insanity, Draco sauntered into the room looking for Neville, who was clearly quivering with fear at his bad luck at having Malfoy as parter.

"I have one thing to say to you, _squib_. You don't touch anything, except when Snape's observing, and when he does, cut the Valerian Roots into pieces of at least 2 centimeters. If you jack this up, I swear on Merlin's knickers that I will---"

"Malfoy, I think he understands that you'll bring on the entire wrath of the Slytherin house and the Malfoy name. No need to make repeated threats."

For fuck's sake, the bloody Italian mutt was everywhere.

"Zabini, apparently your Mum forgot to teach you manners while she went off a bloody shag-fest throughout Europe. So, for humanity's sake, sod off."

"Bet Lucius still misses my Mum, then, eh? Tell me, does he still moan her name in Azkaban?"

"Blaise, leave it. No need to goad him, when he's in such a state." Hermione frowned at the two boy's behavior, being accustomed to the taunts that were shared between Harry and Ron.

"Oh, look Malfoy, you have Granger defending your arse."

"Zabini, I don't need a mudblood to defend me."

"Apparently you do, come on Hermione." Blaise grasped for Hermione's arm.

Draco smirked, anticipating an outbreak from Hermione at Blaise's stupidity. Hermione smiled coldly at Blaise and released herself from his grasp.

"Blaise, I will warn you, for your sake, in the near future, do not say my name in that 'come along' form of context. You are not my master of any sort, nor do you have authority over my dignity. Also, do not acknowledge or agree with any part of Malfoy's statements that I am a mudblood, because this mudblood is the reason why you're ranked second in class."

With that closure, Hermione seated herself dutifully in the front of the classroom.


	2. Your Emotions Make You A Monster

**A/N:** I'm sorry! I just had to post some _part_ of Chapt. 2 even though it wasn't completed. The smut, (if you guys are fans of sex & penetration and all that) will come later in either this chapter or the story in general.

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**CHAPTER 2, Pt. 1  
**

"_Planless and mindless  
__Scraps from anywhere  
__Bunch of used parts  
__From garbage pails everywhere  
__Frankenstein became a monster  
__Just like you  
__Your scars only show  
__When someone talks to you_"

No one ever assumed what was really occurring between Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger… At least, as long as Draco allowed Pansy an all-access pass to his (sculpted, beatified, extraordinary) body, which caused Hermione, in revenge, to giggle whenever Ron pinched her arse, the population of Hogwarts was satisfied.

"What do you bloody mean: 'it was just a kiss'?! You practically escaped him _dripping_ with all his fluids. And you just place that sodding fat grin on your face while some bloke teases you about that weasel wanting to rip off your knickers!"

"You're clearly over reacting." Hermione was sitting in the Heads Common Room, feigning ignorance towards the Head Boy's tantrum, yet mentally cheering herself at igniting some sort of jealousy from the sodding arse who had the gall to wink at her while letting Parkinson climb all over him.

"I'm over reacting? **I'm **over reacting?" Draco composed himself quickly, "I believed that you and your gender had some sort of attention towards hygiene… But then, you are held as an exception towards most of the feminine characteristics…"

He winked.

"Merlin knows you do plenty feministic acts for the both of us. Honestly, Malfoy, is it truly necessary to have over three bottles of skin moisturizer, or is that how the 'men' do it? And if giving hand jobs under the table at breakfast signifies feminism, I would argue that..."

"That was only _one_ time, and what could I say in such a scene when a girl's offering?"

"Don't tell me you actually _enjoy_ dear old Pans feeling your prick."

_She's got a point._

"I admit it'd be more enjoyable if she wasn't acting as though my prick was an udder, but nonetheless, it was a lovely 'good morning'. A fine tip for you to pick up on."

"If I happen to misplace my sanity, I will tell Ron to send you flowers for your sincere advice."

Of course, her tongue was dripping with sarcasm, but Draco had to react to that statement, "Darling, the only hand job you'll be giving in your entire career at Hogwarts will be to me."

_Damn cocky bastard, this one._

Utterly bold, Hermione Granger stood up and sauntered over to where he stood and placed a small hand over Draco's groin, and, on tip toes, whispered in his ear, "I'm so sorry to disappoint, but I'm afraid that fact had been proven wrong a long time ago."

_Bitch_. Draco smirked, painfully keeping an amused expression.

"Never figured Blaise to be the sort who accepted mudbloods."

Her deft fingers toyed with his button, tempting Draco to beg for release.

"Mmm… Wasn't Blaise who was on my mind, but him at the moment sounds enticing. Might just pretend it's his trousers I'm playing with, instead of yours."

"I'm not sure that's the best idea, love. You're just going to set yourself up for disappointment when you find out the difference of his prick is four inches shorter. And I _know_ you despise being disappointed."

It is times like these when Hermione Granger oozes her libido from hearing Draco contradict sexual preferences.

"Then I guess I shall have to satisfy myself with your prick instead. Until I find a larger ---"

"Quit imagining the impossible, it won't happen." He only murmured these words instead of whispering them seductively, because it were moments like these when Draco Malfoy lost all thoughts of sex, and contemplated actions and their consequences.

But he focused very little on the consequences when pulling her into his chest, and removed her hand from the southern region, allowing him more access to smell her hair and feel the woman against him.

He softly whispered "Fuck" as the banging at the door echoed throughout the common room, and he released his grasp, avoiding any form of eye contact. Draco _almost_ apologized.

Hermione swiped a hand across her face, washing away evidence of stray tear drops, just because it seemed the right thing to do. She plastered her dignity and a smirk on her face once more, winking as she said, "Malfoy, better get the door, Pansy's waiting."

And sure enough, Pansy's screeching voice flooded in through the cracks under the door.


	3. That's Macho Insecurity

**A/N**: No smut... _yet_.

**

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****CHAPTER 2, Pt. 2 **

Hermione crawled out of bed and put on her black silk robe, knowing that it would illuminate her hair and complexion beautifully. She couldn't sleep peacefully with her emotions raging and contradicting one another inside her head; she was a smart girl, but she didn't need the additional stress that came with the hormonal package.

It was just past midnight, and the repetitive slamming of backboard against wall had just ended, its closure marked with Malfoy not so gently closing the common room door after his guest. Hermione allowed herself a grin when she heard the words "get out" spat from his lips.

When Draco sighed and turned to return to his room, he was met by Hermione, elegantly placed against the wall, the moonlight highlighting her feminine silhouette. And the whispers in his head reminded him of why he felt no embarrassment at expressing jealousy over her; he remembered why he had always wished it was Hermione's hair instead of Pansy's when she would lean against him and murmur "Draco" in that awful voice.

Hermione smiled as Draco continued to look at her in awe, knowing that he would give his current facial expressions the excuse of post-penetration bliss, and that the looks he were giving her now were due to his fantasies of Pansy doing the naughty instead of looks of actual fondness towards _his_ Gryffindor.

"Malfoy, I'd believe it'd be much more convenient if you sent me a schedule of your evening tete-a-tete with your dear Pansy."

"Planning on adding 'voyeur' to your list of expertise, eh? Not that I blame you, she does have an arse worth looking at."

Hermione grinned.

"No, I was never fond of being in the sidelines… feel free to ask Krum. I just want to save myself the trauma from hearing your pristine pureblooded mouth moaning my name."

_Fuck_. Draco mentally searched for a biting remark. But before he could utter one out to save his dignity, Hermione continued, "I'm flattered, don't be mistaken, but does _Pansy, _of all the women you could've shagged, remind you of me? I find that insulting." She winked and pulled the robe tighter against her body, the moonlight now almost brushing against her nipples.

He took four steps towards her, close enough for him to see small crusts around her eyes.

"Granger, were you crying?"

"I told you, the trauma of being compared to that---"

"Hermione."

"And if I had? Does that touch your 'heart' Malfoy? Seeing me act like a bloody mistress while you're out shagging some pureblood? Do you pity me now, or does it give you joy to bring down the Golden Girl to state where she lets out tears? I don't fucking know what's going on between us, but we still fight every night because of some shit Ron or Blaise does…"

He took a step forward, lifting his arms to hold her.

"Malfoy, don't you dare touch me when you know you're going to act the exact man you were every day before this."

He held her anyways, tightly.

"Granger, bloody hell. I told you I wanted you last month. You bloody well ignored me after that, flirting with Blaise, Ron… Neville, even, if you had the chance. And now you're _complaining_ because I did the usual with Pansy."

She firmly shoved him away, causing him to stumble, not from the received force, but from the rejection.

"The 'usual'? Draco Malfoy, if you value sex in such shallow terms, if all your relationships are considered mere flings and sex experimentations, then the feeling of _want_ is not mutual. If you are unable to control your wild libido, you definitely have right to bitch about my blasphemous acts of verbal flirtation."

Dripping with malice, Hermione walked into her room, took off her robe and ignoring Draco's gaping mouth, shut the door.


End file.
